We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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