I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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