I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
