OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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