hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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