it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
