I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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