they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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