you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
