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More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize