i think my mom watched the whole time
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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