Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
