you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
