Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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