I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
