He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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