How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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