I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
