You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
