You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
