so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
