he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
