i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
