There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
