Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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