ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize