sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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