I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just invented taco cereal.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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