You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
