Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
