can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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