you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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