i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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