perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
