my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
