you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
