I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Damn victory sex feels great
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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