We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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