I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
