I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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