I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize