Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
