We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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