You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize