Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
