if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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