Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
