did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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