Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
