yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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