Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
pop tarts are not kleenex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
