he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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