i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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