I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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