so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Randomize
