Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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