I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
