I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your cock deserves a montage
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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