the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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