Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
