his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
