Can i not drive my cunt home
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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