I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
