i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
