No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
