Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize