Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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