So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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