Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He felt like a one man threesome
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
