It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
