You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
