Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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