you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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