we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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