Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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