she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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