2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
