I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
