but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
