I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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