I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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