South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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