Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
