Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize