you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
