In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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