It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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