So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
