He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
okay pat passed out under dana's car
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
