Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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