maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
