I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
