He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
