my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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