I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
