my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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