Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
