i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
