rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
