I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
