Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
