During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
