I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize