i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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