I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
