Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
