Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize