we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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