apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
